The Fog: Seeing is Believing
Feeling a little better today, the strength feels obliterated the eyes heavy mildly burning, there are butterflies in my stomach, the anxiety at times overwhelming as I start in a new place a new realm of possibilities, too busy anticipating reasons why it wouldn’t work out.
Have replaced songs with audiobooks. Another online training that feels difficult to assimilate as second thoughts crowd the Grey matters, It’s all gray anyways might as well cross the thresholds of humane behavior and resort to the primal urge to compete and become the alpha. This is it, this is the litmus test, will I rise to the occasion, or as time has told the usual sulk and implode will follow suite in the things to come. Not feeling very welcomed, or the hospitality for that matter that comes with the company culture one so covets and boasts about. My apathy has numbed my emotions trampled under the rubble of agonizing thoughts that have led me to a somber place.
I feel cognitively impaired and careless but maybe that is how it has always been and it’s just that my optimism and eagerness to learn has died down over the course of time. Let’s see how it unfolds…